Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
