Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
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