sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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