im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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