this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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