UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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