Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
