Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
