Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
