In the future we'll all be gay
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
