Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
