just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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