My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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