you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
