It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Your penis caused this!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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