WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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