i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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