if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
