dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
