Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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