I'm drive I can fine osifer
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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