what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize
