I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
