i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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