How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
