I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
whose ass print is on the piano?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
