I think my fart just growled at me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
