at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
