Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
