make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
