dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
