if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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