so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
