you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
