i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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