so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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