yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
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