End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
