Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
