i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
