rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
