I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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