Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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