Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
