this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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