come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
