I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
zippers are such a cool invention
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
