My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
