Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
