His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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