AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
