mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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