how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
