Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
