doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
