I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
