Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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