Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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