mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The air taste purple.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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