Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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