he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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