My boss' voice literally gives me gas
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
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christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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