I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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