On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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