i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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