It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
