I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize