I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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