I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
