Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
barbara walters just said penis...
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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