what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
