Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
