Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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