You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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