can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
