So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
