I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
