then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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