My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
