I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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