Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize