my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
