Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
