So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
